Missing Layne

Today has been a productive day.  I got much accomplished with bills, medical insurance and some of the other tasks that must be accomplished.  It was profitable, but exhausting.  It required hours on the phone.  I am thankful to have gotten so much done.

These tasks are difficult because I find myself missing Layne so much as I go about handling all the details.   Much of what I am dealing with are things he always handled.  Layne always did such a good job of taking care of our family.  He was very good with our finances and I learned a lot from him I hope.

Tonight we went out with my brother Mike for a while.  It was good to go have some fun but even that had its difficulty.  Layne delighted in taking us all out so we could spend some family time together.  He always made sure that he didn’t allow anything to take precedence over time with us.  He understood that his most important ministry was to us.  I am thankful for that also and, by God’s grace, I intend to keep up his traditional “Family Nights”.  But our “Family Night” has been changed forever because he is no longer with us.  We were all quiet on the way home.  We talked a bit about what Dad would have said and done if he had been with us.  We all miss him so much!

Today, in the middle of my grief the Lord reminded me of a very important promise.

“…for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”      Hebrews 13:5b

It is so hard to face the fact that Layne is gone, but everytime this reality overwhelms me the Lord reminds me that He is near and I am not alone.  I needed the Lord so desperately throughout Layne’s illness.  He gave me strength in all the hard times.  But I need Him even more now.  I am literally clinging to Him.  He is holding me up.  He is carrying me through each day.  He is proving Himself faithful every day, every hour, every minute.  I long to know Him better than I have ever known Him before.  My great need has driven me into His arms and for that I am so thankful.  What a promise!  What a gift!  My God is walking with me!  He is always near.