Everlasting Arms

I am sorry it has been so long since I have written anything.  The last few weeks have been busy and difficult (I recently lost my grandmother).  I even debated whether or not I should continue the blog because I was not sure whether folks were still reading but the Lord has sent quite a few people lately who have mentioned they were looking for updates and encouraged me to continue.  I am planning, by God’s grace, to try to write at least once a week on Friday night or Saturday.

Jason and Krista and I are doing well under the circumstances.  They are busy with school and I am busy with work.  We are thankful for our evenings together at home where we can encourage one another and comfort each other when we are going through a difficult time.  I am so thankful for my children.  They are a constant source of encouragement and motivation for me.  Family becomes especially dear after you lose someone you love!

I also want to share the things the Lord is teaching me as I journey through this grief.  Grief is such a powerful thing.  Sometimes it so overwhelms me that I lose my focus and my perspective.  The Lord is ever patient though.  He always reaches down, comforts my aching heart, reveals my improper perspective and strengthens my fainting spirit with the truth of His Word. 

When you are experiencing deep grief you are very vulnerable to Satan’s darts of discouragement and fear.  He will plague you with guilt over the smallest things, over any missed opportunity.  He desires trap you with a million second guesses over all the decisions you made before your loved one passed away.  He tempts you to turn inward with your grief and his greatest desire is to cause you to doubt the Lord and His goodness to you.  I know these things because I have been fighting this battle.  It rages daily in my heart.  This is why your prayers are so important.  Not just for me and my family but for anyone you know who is going through a great trial.  I heard someone say that the trial doesn’t make you more spiritual, it is learning to seek God in the trial and allowing Him to use it to change you and conform you into His image.  That is so true but the battle is hard.  The temptations are great and the discouragement is real.  Your prayers are so needed!

But again, my Heavenly Father is so good and patient with me.  I know He is touched with my grief.  I know He is always near, always waiting.  In my most difficult hours He is there.  I cry out to Him and He pours comfort and hope into my soul.  He quiets my sobs and over and over again He reveals Himself to me through His Word as, through my tears, I hungrily search for His promises to me.  I am learning many things at His feet.  Verses jump off the page and He whispers to my heart, “Are you listening, Sharon?  This is Who I am.  You can trust Me.  I love you.  I am near.”  I can then rise up and face another day, another hour, not because I am strong but because He strengthens me. 

Mr. Daniel’s favorite hymn was “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms“.  It has become one of my favorites too.  There is great truth in the words!

What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms!

What a blessedness what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms!

What have I to dread?  What have I to fear, leaning on the everylasting arms.

I have blessed peace, with my Lord so near, leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms.

Leaning, leaning, leaning in the everlasting arms. 

“The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms:…”   Deut. 33:27a

Deep Waters

“Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul.  I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing:  I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.  I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried:  mine eyes fail while I wait for my God…But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O Lord, in an acceptable time:  O God, in the multitude of Thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.”               Psalm 69:1-3 & 13

Grief is an overpowering thing.  It rises and falls like the waves of the ocean.  Sometimes it swells to amazing power and submerges my heart in sorrow; wave after wave after wave.  I struggle to rise to the surface again, to find hope, to find peace, to find rest.  But, just when I believe that I will drown in its power, the Lord reaches down and lifts me up.  Layne was so right.  The best gift he could have given me last Christmas was my Bible.  I can honestly say that were it not for the comfort of God’s Word I would not have the strength to go on.  If I were not able to pour my heart out to my loving Heavenly Father the loneliness of life without Layne would overwhelm and defeat me.  If I did not have Him I would be lost.  No one else can give the comfort and strength that I need.

I am stunned that I never truly realized before this trial how desperately I need Him.  How foolish I was to ever try to walk in my own strength!  This trial has revealed how weak I am.  I have no strength, no wisdom, no power of my own.  I run to Him and cling to Him and He draws me near.  I am safe, not because I am holding onto Him, but because He is holding on to me.

In the darkest hours, in my deepest grief I search for Him and always find Him near.  What amazing love!  He gives strength for every step I take each day, for every task I am able to do, for every smile I give to my students.  Without Him I would be useless.  Without Him this grief would overflow my soul.  Through this grief I am learning how near He really is; how much strength He has to give and how tenderly He loves me.  In my lonliest hours I turn to Him and find I am never alone.  What a wonderful Savior!